Marriage 101.2

Like I said in a post prior, every so often I will be posting about Marriage 101. (You know in all my vast, infinite 4-months of knowledge on marriage). So Marriage 101.1 was a lesson on caring for your spouse. This .2 lesson is on encouragement.

Before we were married, James and I started encouraging one another. Our trust level and love towards each other deepened as we did this simple act. Then when we married each other the importance of being encouraging became crucial to our marriage. And, frankly, it has become one of the top vital foundations of our marriage.

So what does this look like? It's really quite easy...just takes a bit of practice. While we were dating, I would find little opportunities to tell James he was handsome, or smart, or even a ninja. Nothing fancy. Just a compliment or two that put positive words in his head and heart. After we were married, I noticed that encouragement wasn't just a compliment every now and then...it was a constant.

I have the power to make him feel stronger and wiser in everything I do. I could be having a rough day and download everything on him...and he would sit and listen. He would tell me it would be ok and give me advice on whatever situation I was facing. He then would keep me accountable to that and encourage me through those hard times. But I have to be there for him too and it's not all that easy to know when he needs some uplifting.

Most men are not going to come home and sit and pout until their wife says, "Honey, what's wrong?". I can't overwhelmingly pester him every time he tells me his day was just "fine" and doesn't give me every detail. But instead, I have to set my needs aside and my perspectives and be aware of his needs. I have to see him after a 52-hour work week, absolutely exhausted and having to wake up at 5:30am to do it all over again, and know he needs a note in his lunch telling him how much I love him or waking up with him to layout his clothes for the day. I have to take note of him bowing his head just a little lower in prayer over the youth of our church and city and know he needs his wife sitting their praying with him and supporting him as we impact this generation. I have to give him some space and let him have a night to be in the man cave, rather then hassling him with helping around the house. In return, for encouraging him, he takes time to be more encouraging to me and in ways I never expected.

One of my favorite verses that has always challenged me, in relationships, is Hebrews 10:24, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds...". I use this in my relationship with James and know that it is a pivotal and intricate layer of our relationship. Take a second wives and husbands and think...how can you encourage your spouse today? Even take it a step further and discover how you can 'spur someone on toward love and good deeds', instead of putting them down. 

There's a tid-bit for you.

Big Announcement...Biggest Yet!

 

Well this is a bit sooner then I ever anticipated in announcing. But I can hardly keep it a secret anymore. James has been just beaming with joy and I am so ecstatic, I can't sleep at night. See it's something I have been dreaming about, but just didn't know when the right timing would come along. And now...well we are ready. Lottie is not sure about it yet, but I am certain she can make the adjustment. Everything is set. James just finished the office and I cleaned out the garage. So everything is organized and ready to go. We even have been able to cut back in our budget to save for this. Neither one of us can wait...we just want it to be here already!

We are going to his best friend's wedding at the end of this month in Oregon and then taking a couple of extra days off to head to Seattle. I have been waiting over two years for this trip, but I just didn't know when or how I would go back up. James can't wait to be in his best friend's wedding, then be indulged in the coffee capital for a few days. Plus, we get to spend time with my family up there. The last time I saw them, James and I were getting married so we didn't get to spend much time. And I will be able to meet my dear friend's baby for the first time.

Being able to take James where I lived and share with him this portion of my life is something I thought would take years to make happen...and probably would be after we had kids! So to all my Seattle friends and family, I will be up in the area labor day weekend and be there for a couple of days.

There's my "Big Announcement" and tid-bit for you today...

Marriage 101.1

I am not an expert on this marriage thing yet and I don't plan on being one for quite some time, but I have already learned some very simple truths and I want to share them occasionally with you all. I have been blessed with a slue of wonderful and not so wonderful marriage examples. Both have been extremely helpful in setting a strong foundation for James and my marriage. In Marriage 101.1, the simple truth is this: Care for your spouse.

How does that look? It's not easy. I mean think about it- the grizzly bear snoring away next to you who always leaves their half drunk coco-cola bottles in your car or the always half-way through a household project and never gets up to turn the lights off woman won't always cultivate an emotion of "care". I have discovered that caring for one another is found in the small and simple things, instead of always pointing out the flaws of the other.

For example, a dear friend of mine (and a marriage I have always admired) once shared with me right before I started dating James a story from early on in her marriage. She told me how one day, just a few months into their marriage, she was cleaning the house and found a spider. Not a huge set back to her routine, but nonetheless she took it upon herself to show her spouse she cared. She called him at work (only a few blocks from home) and told him there was a spider in the house and she needed him to come kill it. Of course, he thought it was ridiculous that she wouldn't just handle it herself. She wasn't a fearful woman or one incapable to kill a spider. However, he got in his car, drove home, and killed the spider. Why? Because he cared about her. 

I know this story may seem silly to some, but it truly does speak volumes. See at the beginning of their marriage they were already setting up opportunities and a standard for one another to show that they cared. The pivotal and most vital part of this story is the fact that they BOTH showed they cared. She could have assassinated the little terror herself and her husband would have never known. She instead took an opportunity to build him up and show that in all things she needed him. He could have ignored her call and told her it was a stupid request and to just deal with it, but instead he came to her rescue because she asked. This is just a small example in their marriage that has grown over the years.

The other day James cleaned up the office. It was packed full with boxes, crafts things from the wedding, and every other miscellaneous item you could think of. And he just cleaned it. I didn't ask him to, but he did know it was on my to-do list so he took care of it. So in return, I worked on the garage one day while he was at work and gave him a man-cave. I love having the office clean and ready for guests and he absolutely loves walking into the garage and having a place all to himself. We do things for one another, not out of obligation to each other, but because we deeply care for one another and want that established now. We also understand that it is not a one way road. We both have to care and not stop caring for the other, even through the tough times.

There's a first marriage tid-bit for you. 

To- do's

The last thing I want to do today is write a new blog post. I know...then why write one? But you see I have said that for the last two weeks...and I probably could say that for the next week. So I am forcing myself to do this. I have not written in over a month! It's kind of frustrating, because I love to write. I have always loved writing stories- capturing my thoughts or those of others and being as creative as possible in communicating it. I actually wrote several of my friends auto-biography senior year, because I was blocked on writing mine and they needed help. I love to write. But right now... this post- I loathe.

Why all this frustration for a few moments of thought? Because, it clearly pinpoints the exact moment I let procrastination flood into my life and dropped all sense of prioritizing my schedule. When I started this blog, I sat down each week to write something new and then slowly it became once every two weeks...to once a month...to now once every two months!?! And the blog just started in January! I could state very valid excuses for not having the time to share with all of you...like getting married, starting a new position at work, going on a mission's trip, Lottie- but honestly, they are just excuses for not doing what I can and need to do. 

We all get caught up with our "things I will do tomorrow" list being double-sided with tasks that we could have completed already. For example, I am learning very slowly, the balance of married life. James and I love spending time with each other. Seriously. I crave time with him..and I hope he enjoys spending time with me ;). We have started to establish "time" together. We both have Mondays off and it is our day with each other. Each night for dinner we sit down at the table with one another and talk about our day. Then (this is where I have let procrastination come in) we sit down and watch a movie, the news, or a show. Get ready for bed, coax Lottie into her kennel, and then wake up the next morning to go through our day again. Missed the procrastination? There is no picking up of dishes, or touching base on the laundry, or tidying the house. Now that might not be a major, but after a week of cherishing "our time" together, I am overwhelmed with all the to-do's and inevitably it takes time away from James...the very thing I didn't want to do. If I would have put the dishes away after dinner, or had James take out the trash before bed it wouldn't turn into a major, overwhelming project Saturday morning and I actually would be able to accomplish more. 

So this post, isn't just a post. It is a statement that I am trying to get out of my "easy-procrastination-rut" and back into being more pro-active with life. I hope you all enjoyed a tid-bit of encouragement to be ahead of the game and take a few moments to move some of those to-do's off your list.