Before we were married, James and I started encouraging one another. Our trust level and love towards each other deepened as we did this simple act. Then when we married each other the importance of being encouraging became crucial to our marriage. And, frankly, it has become one of the top vital foundations of our marriage.
So what does this look like? It's really quite easy...just takes a bit of practice. While we were dating, I would find little opportunities to tell James he was handsome, or smart, or even a ninja. Nothing fancy. Just a compliment or two that put positive words in his head and heart. After we were married, I noticed that encouragement wasn't just a compliment every now and then...it was a constant.
I have the power to make him feel stronger and wiser in everything I do. I could be having a rough day and download everything on him...and he would sit and listen. He would tell me it would be ok and give me advice on whatever situation I was facing. He then would keep me accountable to that and encourage me through those hard times. But I have to be there for him too and it's not all that easy to know when he needs some uplifting.
Most men are not going to come home and sit and pout until their wife says, "Honey, what's wrong?". I can't overwhelmingly pester him every time he tells me his day was just "fine" and doesn't give me every detail. But instead, I have to set my needs aside and my perspectives and be aware of his needs. I have to see him after a 52-hour work week, absolutely exhausted and having to wake up at 5:30am to do it all over again, and know he needs a note in his lunch telling him how much I love him or waking up with him to layout his clothes for the day. I have to take note of him bowing his head just a little lower in prayer over the youth of our church and city and know he needs his wife sitting their praying with him and supporting him as we impact this generation. I have to give him some space and let him have a night to be in the man cave, rather then hassling him with helping around the house. In return, for encouraging him, he takes time to be more encouraging to me and in ways I never expected.
One of my favorite verses that has always challenged me, in relationships, is Hebrews 10:24, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds...". I use this in my relationship with James and know that it is a pivotal and intricate layer of our relationship. Take a second wives and husbands and think...how can you encourage your spouse today? Even take it a step further and discover how you can 'spur someone on toward love and good deeds', instead of putting them down.
There's a tid-bit for you.
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