Marriage 101.2

Like I said in a post prior, every so often I will be posting about Marriage 101. (You know in all my vast, infinite 4-months of knowledge on marriage). So Marriage 101.1 was a lesson on caring for your spouse. This .2 lesson is on encouragement.

Before we were married, James and I started encouraging one another. Our trust level and love towards each other deepened as we did this simple act. Then when we married each other the importance of being encouraging became crucial to our marriage. And, frankly, it has become one of the top vital foundations of our marriage.

So what does this look like? It's really quite easy...just takes a bit of practice. While we were dating, I would find little opportunities to tell James he was handsome, or smart, or even a ninja. Nothing fancy. Just a compliment or two that put positive words in his head and heart. After we were married, I noticed that encouragement wasn't just a compliment every now and then...it was a constant.

I have the power to make him feel stronger and wiser in everything I do. I could be having a rough day and download everything on him...and he would sit and listen. He would tell me it would be ok and give me advice on whatever situation I was facing. He then would keep me accountable to that and encourage me through those hard times. But I have to be there for him too and it's not all that easy to know when he needs some uplifting.

Most men are not going to come home and sit and pout until their wife says, "Honey, what's wrong?". I can't overwhelmingly pester him every time he tells me his day was just "fine" and doesn't give me every detail. But instead, I have to set my needs aside and my perspectives and be aware of his needs. I have to see him after a 52-hour work week, absolutely exhausted and having to wake up at 5:30am to do it all over again, and know he needs a note in his lunch telling him how much I love him or waking up with him to layout his clothes for the day. I have to take note of him bowing his head just a little lower in prayer over the youth of our church and city and know he needs his wife sitting their praying with him and supporting him as we impact this generation. I have to give him some space and let him have a night to be in the man cave, rather then hassling him with helping around the house. In return, for encouraging him, he takes time to be more encouraging to me and in ways I never expected.

One of my favorite verses that has always challenged me, in relationships, is Hebrews 10:24, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds...". I use this in my relationship with James and know that it is a pivotal and intricate layer of our relationship. Take a second wives and husbands and think...how can you encourage your spouse today? Even take it a step further and discover how you can 'spur someone on toward love and good deeds', instead of putting them down. 

There's a tid-bit for you.

Big Announcement...Biggest Yet!

 

Well this is a bit sooner then I ever anticipated in announcing. But I can hardly keep it a secret anymore. James has been just beaming with joy and I am so ecstatic, I can't sleep at night. See it's something I have been dreaming about, but just didn't know when the right timing would come along. And now...well we are ready. Lottie is not sure about it yet, but I am certain she can make the adjustment. Everything is set. James just finished the office and I cleaned out the garage. So everything is organized and ready to go. We even have been able to cut back in our budget to save for this. Neither one of us can wait...we just want it to be here already!

We are going to his best friend's wedding at the end of this month in Oregon and then taking a couple of extra days off to head to Seattle. I have been waiting over two years for this trip, but I just didn't know when or how I would go back up. James can't wait to be in his best friend's wedding, then be indulged in the coffee capital for a few days. Plus, we get to spend time with my family up there. The last time I saw them, James and I were getting married so we didn't get to spend much time. And I will be able to meet my dear friend's baby for the first time.

Being able to take James where I lived and share with him this portion of my life is something I thought would take years to make happen...and probably would be after we had kids! So to all my Seattle friends and family, I will be up in the area labor day weekend and be there for a couple of days.

There's my "Big Announcement" and tid-bit for you today...

Marriage 101.1

I am not an expert on this marriage thing yet and I don't plan on being one for quite some time, but I have already learned some very simple truths and I want to share them occasionally with you all. I have been blessed with a slue of wonderful and not so wonderful marriage examples. Both have been extremely helpful in setting a strong foundation for James and my marriage. In Marriage 101.1, the simple truth is this: Care for your spouse.

How does that look? It's not easy. I mean think about it- the grizzly bear snoring away next to you who always leaves their half drunk coco-cola bottles in your car or the always half-way through a household project and never gets up to turn the lights off woman won't always cultivate an emotion of "care". I have discovered that caring for one another is found in the small and simple things, instead of always pointing out the flaws of the other.

For example, a dear friend of mine (and a marriage I have always admired) once shared with me right before I started dating James a story from early on in her marriage. She told me how one day, just a few months into their marriage, she was cleaning the house and found a spider. Not a huge set back to her routine, but nonetheless she took it upon herself to show her spouse she cared. She called him at work (only a few blocks from home) and told him there was a spider in the house and she needed him to come kill it. Of course, he thought it was ridiculous that she wouldn't just handle it herself. She wasn't a fearful woman or one incapable to kill a spider. However, he got in his car, drove home, and killed the spider. Why? Because he cared about her. 

I know this story may seem silly to some, but it truly does speak volumes. See at the beginning of their marriage they were already setting up opportunities and a standard for one another to show that they cared. The pivotal and most vital part of this story is the fact that they BOTH showed they cared. She could have assassinated the little terror herself and her husband would have never known. She instead took an opportunity to build him up and show that in all things she needed him. He could have ignored her call and told her it was a stupid request and to just deal with it, but instead he came to her rescue because she asked. This is just a small example in their marriage that has grown over the years.

The other day James cleaned up the office. It was packed full with boxes, crafts things from the wedding, and every other miscellaneous item you could think of. And he just cleaned it. I didn't ask him to, but he did know it was on my to-do list so he took care of it. So in return, I worked on the garage one day while he was at work and gave him a man-cave. I love having the office clean and ready for guests and he absolutely loves walking into the garage and having a place all to himself. We do things for one another, not out of obligation to each other, but because we deeply care for one another and want that established now. We also understand that it is not a one way road. We both have to care and not stop caring for the other, even through the tough times.

There's a first marriage tid-bit for you. 

To- do's

The last thing I want to do today is write a new blog post. I know...then why write one? But you see I have said that for the last two weeks...and I probably could say that for the next week. So I am forcing myself to do this. I have not written in over a month! It's kind of frustrating, because I love to write. I have always loved writing stories- capturing my thoughts or those of others and being as creative as possible in communicating it. I actually wrote several of my friends auto-biography senior year, because I was blocked on writing mine and they needed help. I love to write. But right now... this post- I loathe.

Why all this frustration for a few moments of thought? Because, it clearly pinpoints the exact moment I let procrastination flood into my life and dropped all sense of prioritizing my schedule. When I started this blog, I sat down each week to write something new and then slowly it became once every two weeks...to once a month...to now once every two months!?! And the blog just started in January! I could state very valid excuses for not having the time to share with all of you...like getting married, starting a new position at work, going on a mission's trip, Lottie- but honestly, they are just excuses for not doing what I can and need to do. 

We all get caught up with our "things I will do tomorrow" list being double-sided with tasks that we could have completed already. For example, I am learning very slowly, the balance of married life. James and I love spending time with each other. Seriously. I crave time with him..and I hope he enjoys spending time with me ;). We have started to establish "time" together. We both have Mondays off and it is our day with each other. Each night for dinner we sit down at the table with one another and talk about our day. Then (this is where I have let procrastination come in) we sit down and watch a movie, the news, or a show. Get ready for bed, coax Lottie into her kennel, and then wake up the next morning to go through our day again. Missed the procrastination? There is no picking up of dishes, or touching base on the laundry, or tidying the house. Now that might not be a major, but after a week of cherishing "our time" together, I am overwhelmed with all the to-do's and inevitably it takes time away from James...the very thing I didn't want to do. If I would have put the dishes away after dinner, or had James take out the trash before bed it wouldn't turn into a major, overwhelming project Saturday morning and I actually would be able to accomplish more. 

So this post, isn't just a post. It is a statement that I am trying to get out of my "easy-procrastination-rut" and back into being more pro-active with life. I hope you all enjoyed a tid-bit of encouragement to be ahead of the game and take a few moments to move some of those to-do's off your list.

Business Meetings

I look to the left and have an old dieing nursery that went out of business six months ago. Smack dab behind me are offices and offices of all things dental. I have one book shelf with the top tier being children's books, middle being youth items, and the bottom containing...well I am not really sure, but there is one pair of my shoes sitting on something. I have three half-way working lamps and a lamp shade. A whole garbage bag of extremely thick, black out paper producing a lovely fragrance to the room. One lonesome chair for any passerbyers that would like to chat. I have an organ. Well, half of an organ with a bench. There is a box of paper towels and someone's coffee cup. I have a big box of pool noodle/light sabers and an entire crate of video games. Playing in the background of my room is but of course Pastor Andrew's latest message (You can enjoy it here: http://www.rccconline.com/online-messages/sunday-messages.html ) and I have my husbands orange electric with pedals. My desk is covered with youth to kid's paperwork, a chocolate mousse (thank you Kathy Bryson) and a cup full of crayons. 

This is my new work home. I have been exiled to the far corner of the sanctuary, but I have my own personal bathroom. This week we officially made transitions at work. I am no longer up front answering phones or checking emails. I am working away on kid's lessons, youth missions trips and brainstorming sanity relief for all my parents that have multiple children who just got out of school for the entire summer. I am not greeting people as they come in or dealing with pushy sales people. I am instead reading and organizing. I am allowing Pastor Jesse to do my old job and watching him excel at it, as he is allowing James and me to take over a portion of his job. This is the new life.

And in this humble abode, that in just two days, I have grown to love so much...completed my very first business meetings in ten minutes of each other. My first was a full intense debriefing from 3 of the Huson's. We had quite a bit to catch up on from their weekend and talk about summer plans. Of course, they had some opinions about my new office. Mighty walked into the bathroom and after a few minutes walked back out and told me it was really small in there and it was kind of stinky. As I asked him jokingly if he was the cause of the "stinkiness" a huge grin came across his face. Thank goodness the bathroom door is fairly thick. Then when they left to move onto the next exciting thing, Pastor Andrew came in to talk over some church business. He also had an opinion of my office...it was too messy. Apparently, before any further meetings with him I have to pick up a bit. Then my last, but certainly not least, Miss Elsie came back in to talk a little bit more about summer. She insisted that we arrange a date for Pinto and Lottie to meet up so we can comb their hair and dress them up.

I love the balance of business and fun my job has. I don't know of anyone else who could talk about planning major events, paying bills, coloring, and clowns all in the same day. I would not change my business meetings for any other kind of business meetings.

There's a tid-bit for you.

Sincerely, Mrs. Corbin

Since I am married, I have unfortunately made a habit of not writing. This last week I have been chomping at the bit to figure out a funny "tid-bit" to share or something so completely mesmerizing that it changes your life. And the harder I have tried to find something to share, the more I have thought my life is pretty boring with nothing exciting to write about. Then this morning hit...
 
See, James and I have been adjusting to married life quite well. We love being married. I haven't had to take out the trash and he hasn't had to wash clothes. We have been splitting meal duty and any household cleaning I need help with, I just ask and he is right there assisting me. It's perfect...right? I know all you marriage troopers are probably shaking your head and laughing at me right now thinking, "It's only the first month...just wait". 

I will admit that I never seem to have his lunches fully done the night before, the laundry is an endless marathon to complete, and after almost a month of marital bliss I actually had enough time to make the bed yesterday before going to work-a first. Life is happening. So what prompted me this morning to bring about a chuckle? Our capital D-iva problem. Lottie. As we have adjusted quite nicely to this new life and look forward to the future, Lottie has had a few difficulties.

Two weeks ago she decided that she owned the bed as much as we do and it is her right to sleep in it...throughout the entire night. We have been battling her desperately and ferociously on this one, until last night we both realized she is smarter then us. After a week of her being mad at us, we thought that she made a compromise and would sleep in her bed all night and only come up to our bed about 5:00am and sleep the rest of the morning. We were praising her and even let go of our "no dogs in the bed policy". Oh, how naive we were. Yesterday, James made an observation that Lottie was in bed a lot earlier that morning and wondered if she just waited until she heard him snoring before coming to bed. I brushed it off, but when we went to bed last night, curiosity got the best of me, so I decided to test his hypothesis. Lo and behold, about 10 minutes after he was dead asleep...the little princess jingled her way over to my side and started to try and jump up on bed. She had no idea I was waiting to catch her in the act. Much to my pleasure of proving a theory and correcting her, changed nothing, this morning wrestling under the covers by our feet was our little diva. 

Then today right before I was leaving for work, she decided to jump up on the bed like always and somehow missed, only to land on her leg. Of course she is ok. (James and I thoroughly checked her out.) But you would think that her life is over. She hollered and whined and then when James put her down, she whimpered until I picked her up and gave her attention. Can a dog cry? Lottie can. She had huge crocodile tears. And then when I put her in her kennel for the day, she just laid on her bed and didn't move. If Lottie was in Hollywood, she would be the Angeline Jolie of actresses. Gripping her audience into believing it's real. 

So here is to the next week of watching our diva soak up any attention she can get, but if she sticks with her acting job she won't be in our bed. 

There's a first tid-bit for you from Mrs. Corbin.

Lottie...right smack between us..like always

I need your help

It's 6 days until my wedding and I am sitting here on my couch....with a cold. This is one of my last two full days to finish up all the last minute details for the wedding and my body decides to have a clogged up nose and scratchy throat. What's this soon-to-be-bride to do?

Well that's where I need your help...I know the basic remedys for healing a cold: Lots of rest and liquids, chicken noodle soup, getting a foot massage from my fiance, beauty and the beast, and chocolate. However, I am on emergency get better mode and would love to have your input on what works. I have a very full next 6 days and now they are starting with a trip to Target to raid the medicine aisle.

Thanks for your help!

Give me a tid-bit today :)

It's the last double digit

I know it has been awhile since I have been on here. I literally have 3 half-way finished posts saved that I have yet to complete because of something preoccuping me and well...I haven't completed them yet. So here is now my 4th attempt to finish a post. (Ps: it's taken me 30 minutes just to write these few lines). 

James and I are in the final days around here. This is the last double digit day. I am getting married in 10 days exactly. My life as I know it will be completely changed around and it took a kid's church lesson to hit me. See these past few weeks I have been teaching in children's church the power of choosing good friends. Last week, I talked about how to be a good friend and shared the story of the good Samaritan. (For those unfamiliar with it, you can read it here: The Good Samaritan. It is Luke 10:25-37). From this story, I have come to realize that the ultimate act of unselfishness is coming at the end of next week. I no longer can put myself first, but have the responsibility to put James before me. Now the world may tell me I am crazy to think like that. It should be about me, me, and more me. That I need to do what's best for me at all times. But how wrong is that mindset?

During per-marital counseling, a truth kept revealing itself and came up almost every session: First- there is nothing more important to us then God, Secondly- my priority and greatest concern is James and James'  priority and greatest concern is me. We will have our own individual lives combining and will have a learning process of accepting each others hobbies and lifestyles, but as long as we choose the other over ourselves, our marriage will not only work, but grow a deeper trust and intimacy. 

It already has begun to develop. I truly am amazed how unselfish James is towards me. He automatically puts me before him. He is constantly thinking of ways to show how much he appreciates me or striving to do things that will help me. Yesterday afternoon, for example, he was resting while I was picking up the house. He stopped from enjoying his day off to get up and offer help. He not only did everything I asked of him, but made himself fully aware of what I was trying to accomplish and did things to help without me even telling him they needed to be done. I stop and think sometimes how can someone so quickly adjust to being this unselfishly-focused and demonstrate such care and concern towards another? I try and I fail. I make choices and do things and then realize that the decisions I just made were all about me and I didn't once think of James. It's a struggle, but it is a struggle worth fighting to experience such a deep love and trust with him. I admire him more and more each day for this ability he has.

This foundation that James and I are laying down now and will make permanent next Friday night before our dearest friends and family is a foundation and truth that was laid down as an example many years ago. Not only in the story of the good Samaritan, but with Jesus himself. The good Samaritan gave up time and money to help someone he did not know...Jesus gave an ultimate sacrifice and laid down his life out of love for us. He taught those who would listen for three years to love your neighbor as yourself. Not to love yourself more than anyone else. I hope that James and I can find the joy in putting one another first even when we are surrounded by a very self-focused world. And as I encouraged my students last week, I want to encourage you all to take up a challenge. Do something for someone else this week with no strings attached and experience how blessed they feel and what a joy it brings to you. 





There's a tid-bit for you.

Anybody can do it.

I am sorry dear friends in waiting a bit longer then a week to write. Let me give you a brief rundown of the last week and a half: 

• Board meeting
• First bridal shower with almost 50 people there!
• Attended the youth talent show
• Got sick again
• Moved...almost everything
• Women's conference
• Hot-Stone massage :)
• Moved some more
• Got the cutest little puppy
• Taught our puppy to sit, stay, come
• Grocery shopped
• Faced the crazy previous landlord
• Taught about being a faithful worker to my kids in class
• Paid my first rent to my new, amazing landlords
• And watched my guest list rise...(I think it is at 576 last time I checked) (And that's primarily family!!)

So, to say the least, if I had time to write a blog last week it would have been in my sleep! But I share all my craziness to point out one crazy that impacted both James and me significantly. Number 12. Now you may think I am being over-dramatic or exaggerating, but for the last six months I have experienced a landlord unlike any other. I feel like my roommate and I have literally been walking on egg shells with everything revolving around that house. It's been awful.

The past month, my top prayer request hasn't been about Easter prep, hasn't been about family health, hasn't even been about the wedding...it's been about my landlord. I have been consumed with thinking about the moment I move out and allowed resentment towards my landlord grow. So yesterday was the day I had been dreading. I went over early to the house to finish up a few things and thought I would be nice and try one more time with this particular landlord. I did touch ups in my room with the paint that was in the garage. It looked so similar and started to fade in as it dried, so I proceeded to do the whole room. Little did I know that it was the wrong paint. I left thinking it would dry and continued on my day. By the time I arranged to meet my landlord back at the house, James was with me. We had taken a moment to pray as we proceeded to go back and knew that regardless of what was going to happen, God has the entire situation in His hands. My landlord walked in with an attitude and I knew right then that this was not going to be a good visit. When my landlord walked into my room...well irate can't even begin to describe the reaction my landlord had. James and I tried to reason with her, saying let us know what color you want and we will paint it for you today. (I still had one more day before I officially had to be out). Nothing was working for this individual. So James and I, after realizing no matter how we acted or what we said, this landlord was going to be awful, just watched her quietly examine the rest of the house. 

Now here is the key to my blog today. As James and I drove off, both of us being extremely frustrated (and believe me...it takes A LOT to get me mad), James looks at me and says, "Babe. We got to forgive." See a week ago, my pastor shared a message on the power of forgiveness and that forgiving someone is not for them, but for you. (A great message to listen to. It's the second one in, dated 2-25: http://www.rccconline.com/online-messages/sunday-messages.html). James and I both made a significant choice right there in the parking lot of Costco, that we can know this previous landlord is being unjust to us, but we are going to forgive. See, my landlord didn't become this particular way over night. I feel that my landlord has been hurt and let down over the years and chosen to harbor bitterness and unforgiveness in their heart and thus with every circumstance that they face they chose to be spiteful and bitter, regardless of how good the situation is. It makes my heart break for my landlord and people who simply can't let go, because they were wronged too severely. If there was ever anyone who was wronged in the worst possible way...it was Jesus. And as he hung on cross, in a horribly unjust way...he forgave and didn't let bitterness rule.

There's a tid-bit for you.

A Simple Kid Thought

I have always loved working with kids. I babysat in high-school, was a nanny in college and now I am a children's pastor. I love kids. Did I always dream of becoming a children's pastor? No. I had no idea when I went to college that I would become one. When I was offered this job I was actually nervous about taking it. The administration side of it was everything I dreamed of, but the children's pastor part of it...well I just didn't know how I could do it. 

Then something unique happened. God started to show me a gift with children I didn't even know I had. Two years later, I have learned so much and am blessed to be in this position. James makes fun of me every time we go out, because I am such a "kid-magnet" he says. But he has truth to his statement. Literally, last week I was just walking into a store, not really paying attention to anything and I looked down and this little girl is starring at me. Before I could smile or do anything in response, she simply waves at me with her free hand and keeps on moving. I don't know if I carry a sign around my neck that has some clever picture drawn that children just automatically cling to me, but there is something that attracts kids to me. (Believe me though, I have had my fair share of kids who wanted nothing to do with me).

Now, I am not trying to brag or say I am some kind of expert with kids, but over these two years and the years prior that I worked with kids, I have concluded that two major things contribute to this reaction from children. And I have learned one valuable lesson that keeps me humbly focused. 

The two majors:
1) I notice children. I have always made a joke when new people come into church and I have to ask them their name a second time. I tell them that if they were under four feet tall I would have their name completely memorized by now. But it's true. I work hard at noticing children in a crowd. I try not to bypass them or ignore them. When a child has something to say-it is important. I talk to them at their level and try to give them as much of my attention as I can. I respect them and look them in their eyes. My goal when talking with a child is that they feel loved and valued by the time they leave. 

2) I am patient. I know that is a simple statement, but I am sure that any parent who has had an exhausted and hungry child in the middle of a store and had to pass by the toy aisle would agree that it is not that simple. Every week before going into service, I prep myself mentally about how I am going to be patient that day. I pray for a patience that I know I don't have, but that God gives. One time of me being impatient loses an entire trust of a child. Children need patience and a safe environment to learn and if the one in charge is not patience with them, the learning process becomes that much more difficult.

There are other things I do and am aware of when I work with kids, but these are the majors. Because I choose to notice kids and be patient with them, I have been let into their incredible world and learned more than I possibly could imagine and strengthened my faith. Which leads me to the valuable lesson I have learned.

The lesson
See in Matthew 18:3, there is a familiar bible verse that always has tugged at my heart. Jesus is talking with his disciples and they ask him who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven and Jesus replies, "... I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven...". A child. These twelve great men stood before the son of God and were told to become like little children. How in the world would one even begin to process being like a child? It's impossible to become a child again and being a child is something society has struggled for years with to make kids grow up faster and not be "little children".

Well to make this pivotal point, I have the perfect example of what I am talking about and what I feel Jesus meant here. Last Friday, I was spending time with my friend and as we were talking about life and faith in God, she shared a story of her nieces from that week. Her nieces are four and three years old. The eldest was sick one day that week and so the youngest did something. She did it without sarcasm. She did it without fear. She did it in all honesty and firm belief that Jesus hears her and cares. She placed her hand on her older sisters head and said, "In Jesus name you're going to get better." She is three and has more faith then I do at times. 

We forget to have faith and hope, something we were never meant to do. We stop noticing people and things around us. And children don't. They notice everything we do. It's obvious that my friend's niece has seen someone in her family pray like that, so she is mimicking what she saw. I feel Jesus picked a perfect description to express to his disciples that day, an unforgettable lesson. Become like a little child. Have faith like a little child.

There's a tid-bit for you.

L.O.V.E

What do you expect? It IS Valentine's Day! And please don't just ignore this post because you think it's going to be all lovey-dovey. Read it first and then if you didn't like it....well just don't say anything. 

I have to admit that Valentine's Day is truly one of my favorite holidays. It comes right up with Christmas. I love this love holiday. Now some of you may be thinking, "Oh, she is engaged...no reason why she loves it." Not true. Yes, I am excited to spend my first Valentine's with James, but this is the first Valentine's I have ever had someone special to share it with. So why do I love this holiday so much? I asked myself that this morning and came to the following conclusion. 

Teddy Bears in Balloons. 

Yes, I would go with the commercialization of the holiday to explain my deep love for this significant day. But there is a point. As long as I can remember, when I was a child, I would receive a teddy bear in a balloon for Valentine's Day. I would receive beautiful velvet heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and gorgeous red and pink flowers with cards, but the teddy bear in balloon would arrive and my Valentine's Day was complete. I can watch home videos and see how I loved all my gifts, but that one took the cake. It would sit on the coffee table all day and I would just adore it. My Uncle Boop (Herb) did this for me each year as a child. Why? Because he loved me, and he wanted me to know it. Just like my mom and grandma and all my aunts and uncles ...they showered me with love, because they never wanted that doubt of being unloved in my head.

See, I have never met my dad. Once my mom found out she was pregnant, he became obsolete in my life-his choice. Therefore, something unique happened. An opportunity arose for my family and church family to become more then just their typical roles. They stood by my mom and loved me. I have pivotal moments in my life with each of my great aunts and uncles, my aunts and uncles, my cousins and majority of my church family in Oakdale, and I learned valuable lessons from them all. They might not even know that they taught it to me, but I learned life from all of them. 

I learned it's necessary to slow down every once in awhile and set your radio station right from my Uncle Sambo. (At the time though, he learned to never make me late for school). My Aunt Susie showed me the importance of filing and trusted me with doing her books. Working for her gave me a strong basis that opened up two crucial job opportunities for me. My Uncle Steve taught me to be goofy. I will never forget the time he said he was going to give me a goodnight kiss and then left the room...only to return with a Hershey kiss in his hand. Every Sunday I was greeted by Godly men, who didn't just say hi and give me a bulletin, they genuinely asked how I was and cared to know. Every Wednesday night, Sunday school, kid's church teacher took time to teach me how God loves me, and then showed it in their patience with me. Andrew and Shawna took a big leap of faith with me and poured into my life as a teenager. They let me see their life together in ministry and how in the midst of working they built a loving marriage. I know, confidently, that James and I will be able to be in ministry and have a successful marriage, because of witnessing the strength and compassion of Andrew and Shawna throughout the beginning of theirs.
 
My family and friends must have had a schedule of which day was theirs to love me, because I felt it everyday. I learned from seeing their love, just a small glimpse of God's love towards me. I love Valentine's Day because it is a day of expressing love. So, every year we wait for one day to go all out in telling someone we love them and I shared these very small glimpses of my life, because I want to encourage each one of you to not lose this one day in giving your teddy bear in a balloon.

There's a tid-bit for you. 

Time Moments.

Time Moments.
Lately I have been having these time moments. Friday evening was the final push to actually realize what was happening. See all week I have been trying to figure out what I could possibly write about and Friday it finally came to light. Time moments.
In less then a twenty-four hour span this weekend, I have had the following happen: a funeral, a hospital visit, a birth, a death, a wedding, and finding a place to live. My weekend could be a movie. All of these events create time moments.
The funeral was beautiful. A bit of an oxymoron I know...how can a funeral be beautiful. It just simply was. My grandma Dorthy (not my real grandma, but the only name I knew here by) past away. As I sat at her funeral I was blown away by the life this strong, faithful women lived and the legacy she left behind. I discovered the beauty of her love for God and how she geniuenly shared His love with everyone she possibly could. As the funeral proceeded, one thing above all stood out to me, a 64 year marriage of true love. (Yes, when he was asked what day they were married in May, he couldn't remember and just answered "a Spring day". I couldn't help but laugh and see James saying that in 64 years.) But their love, you saw it in her husbands eyes as he sat through the service. He had the same love in his eyes right then as he did in some of their first pictures together. A time moment. See, their marriage took just a moment...their first child just a moment...discovering she had cancer, just a moment. They all add up to a time moment...their life together. Those memories were all moments that in just a blink of eye ended.
When the funeral ended I stopped by the hospital to see my Papa Joe. He has been having strokes all week long and there is nothing that can be done. My Aunt Ann sat there just spending time with her husband. They have been married over 60 years. Aunt Ann married my Papa Joe when she was 17. She has stood by his side since that moment. Unwaveringly. And now she continues to stand by his side, patiently doing whatever she needs to do for him. Cherishing all their time moments together and creating some more while he is in the hospital right now. Watching her strength that afternoon was nothing short of amazing. A time moment that I will never forget and always be challenged by.
Late that afternoon, I left Oakdale and as I drove to Costco to meet James, I spent time with God. Praying over my future, asking for strength and wisdom to be a wife that James needs me to be and praising Him for all that He has done (we just found the perfect place to live after we get married). I thought about the conversation James and I would have as we walked the aisles of savings and bulk items. As we would talk about our life together I would be thinking about the items we would be buying together in just a few months and no doubt he would be contemplating how he could convince me to let him get two frozen yogurts.
And then there it was. A time moment. The very beginning of a time moment. I called my love to see if he had parked yet and from the lack of his presence on the phone, I could tell something was terribly wrong. For the next half hour, we sat in his car, holding hands and crying together. A time moment had occur- the last one we expected. James dear sister, Erin gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. And in the same moment lost her Lucas. As we sat miles away from this tragedy, we could only imagine the loss Erin was experiencing. A time moment.
So how do you process these time moments? The good, the bad, the understood, the confusing. I don't know. I have no idea. I can't begin to process the loss of a baby, losing a spouse, watching a loved one suffer in a hospital bed. They simply are time moments. Time that was just moments, that left a lasting impression on ones life.
In the midst of all my weekend ups and downs, one thing was unfailing in all of these time moments. Love. A constant steady love. I could feel it in the sanctuary as over 100 people came to celebrate and honor the legacy of such a faithful women. I saw it in the face of my great aunt as she sat and watched and adored her husband in the midst of his suffering. And I know it is present in Erin's hospital room. See God's love is unconditional. Those small glimpses of love cannot compare to the experience of God's love. Through every time moment, the pleasantly experienced, the utterly confused- a greater love and hope reside.
There's a tid-bit for you.

A no picture note

I promised myself. I absolutely vowed that 100% of me would not be that person. I could never believe the stories I would hear when this happened to other people. But me? No. It would never, ever, ever happen. 

Until now. I have official joined the club to say the least and this is one club I am glad they don't make shirts for. My over dramatic entrance as I am sure some of my readers have become accustomed to, is for a valid reason I now fully endorse and support. 

I was talking to my grams on the phone while driving. Therefore, I had my ear phones in. And then to kill two birds with one stone she passed the phone onto my mom. As I pulled into the driveway, I was still on the phone, but I desperately had to use the restroom. You know that lovely perk of getting older, right? So logically taking the phone into the bathroom with my ear phones in to finish the conversation is truly the smart thing to do. Right as the conversation is ending and I think I am off the hook of having a "convo on the commode" my mom gives the phone to my grams, because she has one more thing to say that simply cannot wait until another time. So my plan kicks into gear and as I configure a system that keeps my phone safe and allows me to use the toilet with my ear phones in...and then my grams is done with the conversation. Take a second to picture my phone on the sink and me bending at the waist so my ear phones aren't pulling to much on the phone and I have to stop dead in my tracks of preparing to go to the bathroom to switch gears and turn the phone off first. I know...touch screen and still my life is this difficult. And then it happened. With the conversation over, I forgot the ear phones still attached to my head, pulled the phone at the perfect angle to plummet into the toilet. I froze. I mean I literally just watched my life take its life into the toilet. 

The optimism in me depleted as my phone went from ok to bad to worse. It is now sitting in a bag of rice overnight and my prayers are with it for a full and speedy recovery. 

I know, this is an over-reaction and my life can and will completely function without a phone. It isn't the end of the world. But really, just in these very few short hours, I have come to realize how so many people would feel this way if this happened to them. It's amazing that tonight I attended my church's young adult's group and during worship I sang and believed without hesitation "all I need is you Jesus" and then I get home and my phone becomes indisposed of and I feel at such a loss. I had to stop myself and realize, phone or not, that worship song is true. All I need is you, Jesus. I can have a perfect day, I could have a horrible day. I could have more then I possibly need, I could have nothing that I need. I could get everything done better then I could have ever imagined, I could have nothing turn out the way it was suppose to. But throughout those moments and by the end of day, I always realize that it is Jesus that I need and it is only Him that I honestly need. He is my peace, my protector, my provider. And losing a phone for the night..or completely will never change that. 

There's a tid-bit for you.

The power of a choice.

This past week my Pastor wrote a blog in regards to a day that forever changed our American DNA. Forty years ago this week, Roe vs. Wade made headlines as abortion was legalized in the U.S. I know there are a lot of opinions and beliefs that have come from this decision. Instead of posting rants and raves of being on a side, I want to share two stories with all of you.

In the late 1980's, there was a young, carefree woman who was enjoying life and doing whatever she wanted. Melanie was living like any mid-twenties woman would be. She had a job, a place of her own, and a boyfriend no one knew about. In the months that they dated something happened. Melanie began to notice something happening in her body. By chance, her sister and close confident took her to a clinic to get her checked out. Over the course of the next hour, Melanie's life changed forever.

Some people wait years to hear, what should have been exciting news that Melanie was told. Unfortunately, Melanie wasn't given her news in a way that she should have been. Instead, the doctor looked over the results, looked at the chart, then looked at Melanie. She was a single, 25 year old woman from a very small town. She had no husband and no expectations of getting married. The doctor informed Melanie that, "we need to get you to San Francisco today to terminate the pregnancy". No options, no asking Melanie what she wanted. Just abortion. End of story.

Jump ahead about 10 years, Angela was a senior in high school and loving life. She had friends, rule of the campus and a boyfriend. Times were much different from the 1980's. However, Angela found herself just like Melanie. She discovered she was pregnant. She knew without a doubt that aborting would not be an option. When Angela told her boyfriend though, he had a different opinion. His first response was, "I will pay for the abortion".

See both of these women faced something that many women face every day. A choice. Now most of the world would give them a pass. It was an accident. They have the rest of their life ahead. Abortion isn't wrong here...I beg to differ. And am beyond thankful that these two women did too. See Melanie and Angela aren't just two random stories I picked to share with all of you. Melanie is Sallie Smart and Angela is Shanna Oliveri. My mom and my cousin. Both of them faced a choice. A choice that was not easy. They gave up their personal freedom. They gave up life plans and dreams and had to put themselves second. If you ask either one of them right now if they regret any moment of it, they would answer without hesitation "No".

This nation believes a life that is unborn doesn't matter. If Shanna or my mom shared in that belief, Kenzie and I would not be here. I am blessed to have such strong women in my life to model standing up for their moral beliefs even if no one else does.

There's a tid-bit for you

100.

At exactly 1:19am on Wednesday morning, something so gripping happened, I am afraid to even share it with you. Those that are pregnant or may be, or those who have any persistent heart conditions should consult their primary physician before proceeding with this intense story.

Done consulting? Dare to continue? Like I said, 1:19am, the most drastic, heart-wrenching epidemic happened Wednesday morning....I woke up and had to go to the bathroom. Yes I know what your thinking, "Seriously Ashleigh? That's what was 'so gripping'? You have lost it!" But believe me, those who have been awoken from a deep sleep to have to go relieve themselves in the dead of night, know it is a drastic ordeal. However, it wasn't just that call to nature that made this morning wake-up frustrating, it was what happened before it.

I am not one to have nightmares, maybe the occasional dream, but nothing like I experienced the other night. I had a full on panic attack in my dream that I could not escape from! It was awful. There was no bright highlighted EXIT sign for me to run to, just me in this unending nightmare. In my dream it was two weeks before my wedding and the invitations hadn't been sent out! I don't why I picked that specific item to dream about, but for some reason they hadn't been sent out. They really are like the one solid thing I have going right now for my wedding. My aunt is persistent on getting the guest list and constantly checking with me about how I want them to look and I already sent her a replica of what I want. Invitations=under control. But my dream captured me and would not let me go as I woke up in a wide-awake panic.

I don't know what could have caused it. I am sure it's not the fact that Wednesday marked 100 days until my wedding. And I am definitely certain it wasn't the fact I had just watched Zero Dark Thirty that night in celebrating 8 months with my fiance. I am absolutely positive that it was not the fact my boss likes to "help me" keep on track for my wedding, by reminding me that I don't need to eat cookies because if I do they would just turn straight into fat, so it's better that he eats them in front of me. I am 100% sure that it wasn't the salmon I had for dinner or the annual business meeting coming up.

I guess it's just normal nerves of starting this new exciting part of my life. So here is to the next 99 days of nerves, no sweets, and wedding invites.

There's your tid-bit.

But of course...

So it would happen like this. All the moments of denial and complete assurance that I was right...it would happen just like this. What do you ask? That unforgettable moment you have when you not only have to admit, but you can't help to agree that your mom was right all along. 

See it happened when I moved down here. My mom's first visit to my apartment. I had boxes everywhere and was beginning to unpack my life and start a new chapter. Lo and behold, my mom bought a housewarming gift- a box of tissues. Seriously? Chocolates or flowers or anything else to say "Welcome home", but no. She brought a box of tissues. And every visit after that, I would notice when she would leave how I somehow magically acquired another box. There was one on the side of the couch. One in the bathroom. One in the spare room. On the kitchen counter. They turned up everywhere! Then I got to move again, so through the cleansing process of getting rid of old things the tissues vanished...or so I thought.

My mom walks into my house carrying her purse and....you guessed it a box of tissues. I had to put my foot down...
"Mom, why do you always bring a box of tissues in?"
"Well you need a box in every room."
"No, I don't.
"Yes you do and these ones have a cool feeling when you blow your nose."

Because my nose needs to feel cool when I am blowing out all the lovely mucus inside. Over the year I was in that house, my decorating atmosphere was overpowered after every visit with brightly colored tissue boxes. When I moved again, this past Fall, I had brought my tissue box count down to two. Praise Jesus! I was on my way to removing any overwhelming amount of tissue boxes from my life. 

Then this morning I wake up sick. My nose is clogged, my eyes are watering and I have no tissues. I scoured my room and hall closet for a small sign of any kind of a tissue box. Nothing. So I sit here with my tea and toilet paper roll writing to all of you that my mom was right. 

Moral of the story: You may not always agree with parents, but for the most part they do have your best interest in mind. It puts a whole new perspective for me on the verse Ephesians 6:1 "Children obey your parents..."

There is your tid-bit.