It's really there

Today was round two of doctor's appointments. A month ago, James and I nervously and very excitedly met with our doctor to see our literal bean. There was about an entire minute the doctor struggled to find the baby. We both were dead locked on the little screen just praying it would show up. Longest minute of our lives. No joke. Then there it was. Complete and total confirmation that there is a life forming. 

Now, prior to this first appointment, James and I had taken three tests and had blood work done to confirm there was actual life. Nonetheless- I still had a bit of hesitation. So today, we went back and I am amazed that I would still have doubt. I got a little bit nervous before the doppler came out, but really shouldn't have when our doctor found the heartbeat in less then five seconds. Yes, I am pregnant. The smell aversions and four weeks of nausea should have pinpointed that. But, I still didn't believe it. Even now as I sit and write this, I am wondering if our now lime is still there. 

It really is fascinating to me that after all this proof of life, I still would have doubt. I am sure most first time moms and moms in general go through this feeling. Then one night you wake up to constant kicking and spend the next 20 or so weeks wishing your baby wasn't deciding to be a soccer player. However, the reason I find it so interesting is that for the last three weeks in my kid's church class we have been talking about faith. Faith is believing in what you can't see, because of what you can see. My kid's have this down. They can give examples, they know the bible stories we have shared to learn this, they know what faith is...and they have faith in God because of it. 

Wondering if our baby is still there is just one small example of an area I have doubt. I am sure a lot of you struggle with simple situations to the more extensive ones and lack a bit of faith. We all will doubt, yet in those moments we also have a choice to have faith. I watch my kid's faces come to life as I share stories from the Bible of what God has done. I see them jump with excitement as they hear a new missions story and see what God is doing. I am humbled, in how my faith truly needs to be more child-liked, as I listen to them pray, fully trusting and believing God to still work in their life today and in the future.

Faith is believing in what you can't see, because of what you can see. I cannot see our baby yet. I cannot feel our baby, but it doesn't mean this little Corbin is not there. I know I saw three positive tests...I know I have a picture of a very misshaped bean in our living room...I have heard a 170/minute heartbeat that was not mine and because of all that I know I have a baby inside of me. I want to encourage you all today to stretch your faith a bit. Share a story of something God has done in your life and watch how that will catalyst into something more. Be encouraged in your faith and that thing you have been doubting about- trust God with it completely and watch Him move in your situation. 

There's a tid-bit for you.

An Unlikely Teacher

Wednesday night's have turned into a smorgasbord of students. I have two that are 2, a three year old, a four year old, two that are six, two that are eight, a nine and ten, and then four that are between twelve and fourteen. It gets a little crazy between bible story and craft time to say the least. And I love it. 

Last night I had a new student in my Wednesday night class. I asked him if he had ever been to church before and he said yes. He loved drawing his favorite bible hero for the opening project (Jesus on the cross). He listened intently to the bible story, completed his craft, and then proclaimed to me that this was his best day ever. He continued playing with the friends that brought him and some new ones he made. Then, completely out of the blue, he came straight up to me and let me know that he is the youngest of three. His brothers are quite older then him...and they don't go to church. In fact, they don't believe in God; they believe in the Devil. His words exactly. I finally had the opportunity to reply and I told him the best thing he could do as a little brother is pray for his older brothers. He proceed to inform me that he had...sixteen times to be exact. 

Now before I go any further, I want to point out one thing about this two minute conversation that provoked an entire blog post from me. This new little boy is only six years old, but "will be seven this year". A six year old, who most of the night played with building blocks, had trouble opening a glue stick, and made new friends during a round of duck, duck, goose has a deep compassion for his two brothers that no longer go to church, so much so that he has prayed for them. Consistently, I might add. I honestly cannot remember a time that I have prayed for something sixteen times or more. Yes, I do pray, but I feel I fall into a category of making too quick decisions when I feel God hasn't answered my prayers or just forgetting to pray through a situation because nothing has changed it. 

Both are unacceptable I realize, but it is the mentality of how most people pray. I know not all do. I feel one of the reasons I have been blessed with not just a man of God, but one who deeply loves and cares about me above himself is because of Isabel. Isabel is my second grandmother and since I was a teen, she has prayed everyday for me and for my future spouse. She prayed for me over ten years, over 4,000 days for my well being and my husband. This type of determination to see God move is what I desire and what we need more people in this world doing. 

Right now, our church staff is reading through "Draw the Circle: The 40-Day Prayer Challenge" by Mark Batterson. Yesterday's reading hit me hard. Mark started out by sharing how the bible described Cornelius. "He prayed to God regularly" Acts 10:2. He continues on in the short chapter to explain that when we try to expedite God's plan, we in reality delay it. I am a person who does this. I try to "fedex" what God wants with my own personal expertise plan. But Mark ends with two major points, that I feel were a perfect start to this new 40 day challenge.

From Mark: 

• Don't try to manufacture your own miracles. Don't try to answer your own prayers. Don't try to do God's job for Him. Stay humble, Stay patient. Stay focused. Keep circling. 
• If you pray regularly, irregular things will happen on a regular basis.

These two things I saw lived out in the heart of a six year old. He doesn't have answers for why his brothers don't go to church, but he knows to pray for them. He is doing that continuously. His brothers may come to church this Easter because of his prayers or they may not for many years, but I do know this little six year old is not giving up. He has shown me that, even in a fast pace, drive-through generation, my prayers are not to be. I need to stay patient, pray continuously and watch God move in my situations.

There's a tid-bit for you.

40

I do apologize for the great lack of writing. Who knew being married for nine months and then finding out you are pregnant could take up so much time? Anyways, I am trying to get back into the swing of things and thought I would start today on Ash Wednesday. 

At my church this past Sunday, we made a commitment over the next forty days to pray an hour a day and fast a meal a day. We had one hundred and ten people accept this challenge. 4,400 hours of prayer. 4,400 meals fasted. This is going to be good and I am very much looking forward to the next forty days. 

Even though this seems simple enough to pray only an hour a day and one meal a day, it actually is proving to be a bit more challenging for me....the lady with child. (Still hasn't hit me that I am having a baby; hopefully by nine months I will be ready!) At first, my boss suggested that I just give up my "4th Meal" of the day to fast. However, baby and I have come quite accustomed to our late night bowl of Cheerios and not waking up sick in the morning. So with not being able to give up food, per se, I am opting to do several other things that distract me. It's rather funny, just a mere two years ago I was sharing in kid's church what it meant to fast and actually created this list of "alternatives" for kid's to be able to participate. Here are just a few ways to help those of you who really cannot opt out of food...

1) Facebook- The blatantly obvious choice in today's society.  I tried this a couple of years ago and just opted to skip a meal instead. I was amazed to discover how much I (the person who is never on and has only posted a couple times this month) spent just browsing. I wake up in the morning check my email...and facebook. I take a five minute break to grab water and my morning snack of the day...and check facebook. I end a phone call with a friend...and check facebook. I bet I am not the only one with this kind of habit. I am not on for hours at a time, I am not posting constant updates of my "drama-filled" day, I am not even posting pictures of food anymore. I just check it practically every hour, for about five minutes at a time. I catch up on some actual news and then am able to justify my time spent on. This option I will be using for several days of my 40 day fast, to opt out of being on it or logged in even. The first time I gave this up, I was truly amazed at how many times I grabbed my phone to just "zone on facebook". One day away gave me much needed time that I could focus on prayer. 

2) T.V- I know...I don't even have cable, so how in the world could t v be a hindrance to me? Well quite simply. While I am waiting for James to get off work, I hate being in the quite at home. I turn on the t.v and pretty soon in the middle of putting dishes away or trying not to overcook dinner...I am engaged in a show. James and I do enjoy one show together every night, because it is our way of relaxing from our day at work and a way for us to catch up and talk. So what I am opting to do throughout this challenge is, instead of immediately flipping on a show or movie, taking my first hour home to have silence, to spend time reading my bible, to pray. I think Criminal Minds will forgive me and more then likely repeat next month. 

The last option I want to share is...  

3) Electronics- I am on my computer and phone all day it seems like. My job revolves around researching, emailing, entering data, and I am non-stop on my computer or phone. During the week, I leave my computer at work, in order to separate being home and not at work anymore. However, I still have my phone that I am on searching for information, the next craft to do, or just communicating with my friends and family. I am constantly surrounded by emails and texts. My fasting electronics will consist of, yes I am going to say it, turning off my phone for an entire hour. I know it's crazy, right? No, it is not. The world will not come crumbling down if I do not have my phone attached to my ear for an hour or within a ten inch vicinity. I will survive and you will too. 

So there are my top three alternatives to fasting a meal for this challenge. The point is not to starve yourself giving up a meal, but to take that time you would have been eating to focus on God. I know I have a lot of things that take away my time from spending with God and I am hoping for the next forty days to be different. These are my suggestions that take away hours in my day. I am sure that if you are unable to give up a meal, if these three don't fit into your top time wasters, you can find other alternatives to fast from and truly give a focus on God over the next 40 days. Who knows...it may even become a new norm for you.

And there's a tid-bit for you.